The Hardest Part
by Veratrum
Summary: Roxas is looking forward to some "quality time" with his boyfriend, but he gets more than he bargained for. Will Axel be there for him when he needs it most? Warnings inside, Rated M for very explicit content.


Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. At all. I don't even own many of the games. (Borrowing ftw). So don't sue me for making your characters bang.

Boy/boy content, don't like, don't read.

_**WARNING: TRIGGERS. TRIGGERING THINGS HAVING TO DO WITH SELF HARM. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED.**_

Summary: Roxas is looking forward to some "quality time" with his boyfriend, but he gets more than he bargained for. Will Axel be there for him when he needs it most? Warnings inside, Rated M for very explicit content.

* * *

"Heya, Roxas, where're you going?" Axel asked as I looked for my car keys.

"Oh, I just thought that since we got home from our vacation to the islands a little earlier than planned, I'd surprise Demyx. I've missed him." I smiled and thought of my excitable blonde boyfriend. "Don't expect me back for a few hours, alright Axel?" I winked, letting him know exactly what would go down. Me. On Demyx.

Axel nodded. "Well, Roxas, if you're going to get laid tonight I want you to have something from me. Look over in the bedside table." I looked at him, slightly puzzled. He gave me a 'Go on.' look, so I walked over and opened the antique looking drawer to find a small bottle of lube and condoms. I started to snicker.

"Seriously? Well, I won't need lube, that's for sure. He has saliva. But I WILL take some condoms." I palmed them and tucked the little foil squares into my back pocket. Shutting the drawer and turning around, I found that Axel had disappeared.

"Huh? Axel, where the fuck did you- OOMFT" I let out as I was tackled onto the bed from the side, the breath getting knocked out of me. "You little bastard!" I yelled, laughing and struggling to get up while Axel just sat there grinning.

"Gotcha. You didn't really think I'd_ just_ give you condoms? I'm pretty sure Demyx would have some. No, I wanted to give you this." And with that he slipped something in my back pocket, still grinning. "Read it later, after you've been properly fucked."

"Alright, alright, now let me up!" I laughed.

"Promise, Roxy?" he said, using the nickname I hated the most.

"I promise I won't read it till I get back, you lunatic. What's it say?"

He just looked at me for a moment. "You'll see." Axel said finally.

I nodded. "Now can you get your ass off me?"

He laughed again. "Sure, Roxy. Have fun!" he said, standing up and stretching.

"I will! Do you think I should top, or bottom?"

Axel stood there, looking thoughtful for a few moments. "I think you should bottom. Much more enjoyable, isn't it?"

I nodded and walked towards the hall, Axel staying right next to me the entire time.

"So, when will you be home exactly? Maybe I can get in a few jerk-off sessions while you're gone." He smirked.

"Oh, I don't know, around 12?" It was about 9 right now. "You could always call Riku over." I said with a wink. They were fuck-buddies, for lack of a better term.

He gave my shoulder a loud thwack.

"Dicklicker!"

"Carpet-Muncher!" I retorted, barely able to contain my laughter as he gave me a disgusted look.

'You're repulsive, Roxas."

Opening the front door, I blew him a kiss. "Ciao!" I said, and shut the door. Getting in my car, I drove towards my Fiancé's house. "We actually haven't fucked for a while…maybe I should have taken the lube?" I pondered aloud in the empty cab.

Nah. I like it rough. Much better than gentle; that could always come later. Arriving at the two story house, I slid into the driveway soundlessly, glad I had a well taken care of car. I wanted to surprise him.

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, I got out and walked to the front door. Taking my spare key, I silently unlocked the door and walked in, inhaling the smell of my lover, and shut the door. It was a woodsy smell, sort of musky yet sharp. I loved it. I knew that if I could smell it, I was safe from being hurt. At least, that's what I believed.

I vomited internally. 'Since when did I get this sentimental?' I thought, calling out Demyx's name. "Demyx? Demy? I'm back!" Not getting a response, I grew a bit worried. "Demy?" I called one more time, when I heard music come from upstairs. I breathed a sigh of relief. 'Whew. He probably just couldn't hear me.'

I traipsed up the stairs, and found his door slightly open. With a huge smile on my face, I burst in and threw my arms in the air. "Demy! I missed you so much!" I shouted, before my eyes took in the scene before me. I dropped my arms.

Looking at me in shock was my Demy and some guy I didn't know, both on his bed. They had been grinding on each other with nothing but boxers on.

"Roxas! Its not what it looks like!"

Tears filled my eyes as I tried not to cry. He tried to explain, tell me that him and Zexion were just friends, that he had gotten lonely, but I interrupted. Not able to make my voice go up above a pain-filled whisper, I said "Oh yeah? What is it then? Because that sure as fuck doesn't look like you're just being friendly." I gestured to their state of undress.

Finding my voice, I started yelling, the guy he was cheating on me with looking confused. "I trusted you! You meant everything to me! Why the fuck would you do something like this? We were going to get married, you fucking jerk!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face.

Not giving him time to let him answer, I rounded on the other guy. "I don't blame you for any of this, unless you knew we were together. Did you know?" I asked him. He looked terrified, but didn't answer. "Did you fucking know that we were together?" I screamed.

He wildly shook his head no, trembling like a leaf.

"Okay then, get out, please, or I won't be responsible for what happens to you." He nodded, grabbed his clothes, ran out of the room, down the stairs, and left. I could hear the door slam behind him.

"You!" I screamed at the two-timing jerk. He got up from the bed and walked over to me, saying "Roxas! Please, listen! I didn't-"

I back-handed him as hard as I could. "You fucking bastard!" I cried. Running out of the room, I nearly tripped down the stairs, I was going so fast. As I reached the door he was on the last step. I sprinted to my car, desperate to leave, away from his smell, his face, his love, my everything. In the middle of the driveway he tackled me from behind into the ground.

I started screaming at him so loudly the neighbors' lights came on and I struggled to get up. "No, Roxas! I'm not letting you leave!"

"Like hell you aren't! Let go of me!" I kicked out, missing. With a burst of strength, I stood up, knocking him off. "Leave me ALONE!" I cried, tears dripping onto the ground. Reaching to my back pocket, I reached for my phone and started beating him with it. "you fucking two timing whore!" I punctuated each word with a hard smack of my phone. He blocked a few seconds later, and I pushed him over.

I jumped into my car and started it up, backing out of his driveway as fast as I could, ignoring the stream of neighbors standing on their lawns wondering what was going on. I started crying even harder as I reached the highway, so I pulled over to the side of the road. I risked either getting pulled over by a cop, or crashing and killing someone. I couldn't see a thing through my tears. At some point in time it had started raining, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. I crawled into the backseat and curled up into a ball, still sobbing about what I had witnessed. Frame-wracking sobs punctuated with hiccups drowning out any sounds of the rain.

After I was done crying my eyes out, my whimpers and moans had died to a low, pitiful sound. At that point, I just stared at the back of my front seat, a tear ever so often slipping down my cheek and dripping onto the floorboard, as I was thinking about why the man who promised he would spend the rest of his life with me do that. Rain lashing at the windshield, car headlights passing my parked car. No one realized or cared that I was falling apart in my own little world, here, on the side of the road.

Feeling the familiar butt vibration, I took out my phone, the note Axel gave me falling out along with it onto the floor. Looking at the screen, I had 12 new texts. Eleven from Axel, one from Riku. I must have missed them while I was crying. 'No thanks' I thought, as my hand went limp. The phone dropped to the floorboard next to the note, and I didn't bother picking it up. What was the point?

My eyes glazed over and I stopped thinking, just staring at the contrast between the light blue case cover, the white paper, and the dark insides of my car. Two bright colors. Me and Demy. The two colors being swallowed by blackness. Every time a light passed by, swallowed by blackness once again.

Making a decision, I reached under my car seat and fumbled around for what I was looking for. A box cutter I had put there while Axel and I were moving into our flat. Unsheathing the blade with a sharp _shink_ sound, I stared at the reflection it cast from the outside lights. Something, anything to forget the pain I felt like screaming to the world.

The pain I wanted everyone to feel, but I wasn't so selfish that I would make them feel it too. Taking a deep breath and holding it, I dragged the blade from one side of my wrist to the other, once, twice. I was fascinated by the red flowing from my arm. I didn't hit anything vital; I wasn't that stupid. But this was painful enough to make me forget that I had ever loved a horrible person like _him_.

I brought it to my other arm, doing the same, the blood spilling from my arms onto the floor. It was too far away from my phone and the note to ruin them, so I was grateful. I didn't want anything else to be spoiled by me. By something I did. My vision going hazy, I rested my head into the crook of my am, balling myself up again. I wasn't dying; Oh no. I wouldn't be so lucky to die from this. I could maybe, just maybe, forget.

My phone buzzed again. I opened my eyes to see that Axel was calling. I reached an arm out, the blood dripping down from my arm as I did so, and pressed the speakerphone button before I pressed the answer button. I didn't want to hold the stupid phone.

Immediately I heard his frantic voice. "Roxas! Where the fuck are you? You said you'd be here by now! Roxy?" He yelled into the phone. I didn't bother to answer. Why should I? I could hear Axel yelling to someone in the background, something like "Riku…..keys…..find him…." Then I heard a beep. I glanced down, just in time to see my screen fade to black.

My phone was dead. 'That sucks.' I thought. 'If I _do_ start to die of blood loss, no way to get help.' I just shrugged, though. The blood was still flowing, but at a much lesser pace now. I had probably lost a bit too much. 'Oh, well.' I curled up even tighter. Closing my eyes, I thought of the note. Id promised him I would read it when I got home but…I would probably never go home again. I'd never broken a promise to my best friend, and I wasn't about to now. A smear of blood had gotten on it, but I wasn't too worried about it.

I wasn't weak yet, which was unexpected. Surprisingly cold in the car, I looked at the clock. It was 2:14 in the morning. No wonder Axel had called and left so many messages. I had said I'd be back at 12, and I was _always_ back when Id said I would be. No exceptions.

A loud screeching broke me from my thoughts. I braced myself for a crash, but it didn't come. I heard muffled voices coming through my closed windows, and broken-up speech, like "His car?….Think…Come on" And then beating on my window. I had started crying again without realizing, so I didn't answer. I heard someone I assumed was Axel trying in vain to open all the doors, all the while yelling my name.

It was muffled, but I thought I heard "Riku? Open the door. I'm sure it's his car. There's the weird antenna topper." And an "alright." in reply. Then clinking. Riku knew how to pick locks? By the increasingly frustrated-sounding huffs, I guessed he either didn't, or was having trouble in the rain.

Tears still running down my face, I heard a small click, and a shout of success. Immediately the door was wrenched open by my tall, redheaded friend.

I shut my eyes , the harsh lights of Axel's car flooding mine, illuminating everything; the blood-spattered backseat, the bloody box-cutter, the note, my dead phone.

Me.

I heard a gasp. "Holy shit- Riku! Get the first aid kit from my car! Now!" I heard running, then Axel was fumbling around, clicking the button that opened all the locks, then running to the back door and yanking it open. I cracked my eyes open and noticed it wasn't raining anymore. Riku was back with the kit, and he looked at me, horrified. "Roxas? Kid…what happened?" I opened my eyes all the way with difficulty. "Fuck off Riku." I spat. Now of all times he was calling me kid. I watched as he tossed the kit to Axel.

"Here man, I'll wait in the car. This seems personal" I forgot about him as Axel climbed into the backseat with me, kneeling on the floorboard, in the blood. "Axel.." I choked out. "You're kneeling in blood." I coughed violently. He ignored me and started applying antiseptic, stinging my wounds. I hissed, and he dabbed at them a bit more gently. After that he wrapped bandages around my arms, not saying a word until he was done. He looked down, and saw the note and my phone.

"Did you read it yet?" he asked, and I shook my head no. He looked kind of relieved.

"I promised you I would wait until I got home. I try to keep my promises."

He glared at me. "Why did you do this, then?" He gestured to..everything.

I choked up, and started crying again. His eyes softened and he helped me to sit up. After he did that, he gave me a hug, not saying another word. He pulled back, and said "Wait here."

Like I'm going any-fucking-where.

He walked over to his car, and I heard him tell Riku to drive his car back to the house. I laid back down in the back seat, tears starting up again. I angrily wiped them away, mindful of the bandages. 'Why did they have to start and stop? This isn't some fucking game of red-light green-light.' I thought as Axel made his way back. "Give me your keys, okay Roxas?"

I didn't answer.

"Roxas."

Nope.

"Roxy."

I looked up at him. He shrugged and leaned into the back, grabbing them from my back pocket. I didn't stop him, but I didn't make it easier by moving. The last thing I wanted was to go home and face reality. He got back in the front and started the car.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. But why? Why do this?" He asked, slightly angry. I fought back tears. "I'm listening."

I picked up my phone and the note, shoving them in my back pocket, and said "I walked into his h-house, and when I went to his room, Demyx…he had…he was.." I choked. I couldn't say it.

"He was with someone else?" Axel said, gentle as only he could be.

"Uh-huh" I whimpered. "I started yelling and c-crying, and he tried to keep me from leaving, but I got away, and I started crying so hard I couldn't see, so I p-pulled over and you can p-probably guess the rest." I gestured weakly, trying to smile but failing.

"Roxas, I'm so sorry. I wish this never would have happened. You've been hurt the worst way possible by someone who should never hurt you, someone you love, and I wish I could go back in time and stop you from leaving. I hate seeing you hurt, and what you did tonight with that blade was stupid. I love you, but if you ever do that again I will beat you senseless."

I laughed a little bit, and he looked back at me and smiled. "Glad to know you avoided killing yourself." he said softly. "I could tell you didn't hit anything vital. You won't need to go to the hospital or anything, thank god."

He drove into our driveway and parked. "Come on, Roxas." He got out and opened the door for me. I sat up, stuck my legs out, and tried to stand. My knees buckled and Axel caught me before I could hit the ground.

"Guess you're weaker than I thought." He said, and carried me bridal style into the house. I clutched his neck, nuzzling face into it. Inhaling, I smelled him. It was sharp, like spices, spices like Cayenne and paprika. Also he smelled slightly of leather, and something that reminded me of fire. I found myself breathing it in and smiling slightly. It was so..different.

He carried me down the hall to my room and set me in my queen-sized bed, saying "Goodnight. You better not come out of your room tomorrow to do any work. I'll have it taken care of. You need some time alone…good night, sleep tight, Roxy." His voice grew soft at the end.

My eyes filled with tears as he turned around to leave. "Axel?" I said, my voice pitiful. He turned back around "Can you…sleep in here tonight?" I asked, expecting a rejection. To my surprise he just looked at me and smiled.

"Alright. Just...let me get ready for bed. You should too. Okay? If you need any help just give a shout. I'll be right down the hall." I nodded and he left for his room. Still a bit wobbly, but not as weak, I got up to go get changed out of my bloody clothes.

I walked into my bathroom and got out my toothbrush. Putting the white, blue, and red toothpaste on the bristles, I brushed my teeth until I was minty fresh. Spitting, I rinsed my mouth with Listerine. "Ahhh." I said. I felt a bit fresher.

Taking off my shirt, I looked at the bandages. I decided to unwrap them, discovering they didn't look THAT bad.

I heard a shower running. 'That must be Axel.' I thought. Well, if he was going to shower, I would too. I had blood all over me anyway.

I took off my pants and underwear, standing naked and turning the shower on. I went and shut my door after I had adjusted the knobs to just the right temperature. I didn't bother locking it; I didn't care if anyone saw me nude, really. Walking back, I jumped in the shower, water bordering on scalding hot. Sitting on the floor, letting the hot water rush over me, washing the blood away, I felt clean. Not better, but clean. At least the tension headache I got from all that crying was going away.

I replayed the events in my mind, and sat under the spray for a good 15 minutes. Figuring that was enough, I shut it off and got out, wrapping a towel around my waist. I strode out of the bathroom and almost had a heart attack.

Axel was sitting there on my bed, wearing nothing but boxers.

"Well, you don't do anything half-assed" I said to him sarcastically. He rolled his eyes.

"You're lucky I'm not naked. And _you _asked _me_ to sleep in here tonight." He looked me up and down." I like the look on you. Wet, wearing nothing but a towel." He smirked. I was the one to roll my eyes this time, and went over to my closet.

I faced away from my bed, looking into my closet, finding a pair of jogging pants I would be comfortable in. I dropped my towel and used it to start drying my hair, not caring that Axel could see my ass. I tossed my towel at him after I was done.

I put the jogging pants on, and walked over to the lava lamp next to my bed. It let off a fair amount of light. I then walked over and turned the main light off, closing the door.

Feeling Axel watching me, I said "What? I'm pretty thorough when I sleep." I knew I wasn't fooling him though. I didn't want to be alone tonight, and I didn't want it completely dark. He knew I was scared of the dark.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed my discarded clothes, walking back to my door and setting them next to it so I could wash them tomorrow. As I began to fold them Axel let out an exasperated sigh.

"Come on, Roxas. You need to settle down. Please?"

"Yeah, alright," I replied, dropping the clothes and walking over to the bed. "Thanks. I uh…thanks for agreeing to sleep here tonight. I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem, Roxas. You know I don't mind." He was such a wonderful friend. I gave him a hug, then walked to the other side of the bed.

"Lets go to sleep now, Axel." I said a bit awkwardly. He nodded, and snuggled under the covers.

I tried to close my eyes, but every time I did I saw Demy. My Demy, being humped by some other guy. I stared at the blue lava in the lamp, trying to hold back my tears again. The rhythmic lava flow calmed me some.

About 10 minutes later, I was sure Axel was asleep. It was completely quiet except for the faint breathing I heard next to me. Just when I thought I had it under control, a small sob escaped my mouth. 'Fuck' I thought in my head, clapping my hand to my mouth.

Hoping he didn't wake up because of me, a tear slid down the line of my cheekbone, into my feather-soft pillows. My shoulders shook slightly, silently. I felt movement, and immediately stopped. I felt a hand on the small of my back. "Roxas? You ok?" came a soft voice from behind me. At that I couldn't hold it in, and cried softly. I didn't answer; I didn't have to. He knew. He had been awake, and he heard me cry _again_. He grabbed me and rolled me over to face him, cradling me into his chest.

There was a look of genuine concern on his face. "Roxas" he whispered. "If I could, I would take it onto my own shoulders what you are feeling right now. But I can't. So…the best I can do is this."

With that, he pressed his lips against mine, caressing my face with one hand, the other stroking away my tears. After he broke away, he looked slightly ashamed at what he did, and tried to move away from me.

I quickly grabbed his face, desperate for more. This time I deepened the kiss, sticking my tongue against his lips, hoping he would get the hint. He did, and my tongue explored his now-open mouth. He tasted minty, like me. I used my tongue to explore every inch of his mouth, and he let me be in control. Caressing his tongue the way he caressed my face, he moaned ever so slightly into my mouth. I smiled, and broke the kiss, leaning into his chest. I cradled my head into him again and said "You smell delicious."

He smiled, then suddenly flipped us so that he was hovering over me. "So do you." He replied, and then kissed me again. He dominated me this time, and I loved it. "Axel…" I whispered breathlessly, just to say his name. He moved his lips to my neck, leaving a feather-light trail. I felt every touch as he poked his tongue out and started to lick my collarbone, making my back arch slightly. He bit my neck and I moaned. "Don't stop.." I groaned.

"I have no plans to." He replied, and bit harder. I felt it as he drew blood, then licked the wound he had made. Sucking, he left a trail of love-bites down my neck, and looked up as he got to my chest.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked. "Because once I go further I won't stop."

I just nodded. I wanted this. He looked at me for a second, then smiled. "As you wish, Roxy." He licked my nipple, flicking it with the tip of his pointed tongue. I clutched the sheets in my hands, gripping them tightly. Latching his mouth onto it, he licked and sucked, tweaking the other one to overwhelm me with pleasure. I was writhing on the bed, side to side, bucking my hips into him.

"Axel" I said weakly, in between moans. "Stop teasing me." I moaned even more as he bit down. I was hard, and as I started to buck my hips even harder into his, noticed he was too. Needing the friction, I repeated. He laughed, and took his mouth off of me.

"Why are you so impatient, Roxas?"

I glared but didn't say anything. "Alright. I guess we'll just…get naked now." He grinned, slipping his boxers off and unceremoniously tossing them across the room. I sighed as I felt his bare skin against my jogging pants. He put his fingers inside my waistband, slowly pulling them down, revealing my body inch by inch. I lifted my lower half up to help him, and he slipped them off completely. Both of us were completely erect, and I panted. "Axel. I want you. Now."

He smiled. "Of course." He stuck 3 fingers in my mouth, and commanded "Suck."

I did my best, licking in and around them, getting them as saliva-coated as I could. When he tried to take them out I held them in between my teeth and kept licking, up, down, and in between. He moaned, and I felt his fingers twitch in my mouth, before he pulled them away from between my teeth.

"You are really good with that tongue of yours. I'll have to put it to good use later. But for now…" He gently eased a finger into me. I groaned. "I'm not a virgin, dillweed. I can take more than one at first."

Rolling his eyes, he eased another one in, next to the first, scissoring them and stretching me. I gave a loud, long moan as he massaged my insides, going deeper. My breath quickened as he eased the third one in, twisting them around so he could curl them into my sweet spot.

"Oh..oh, Axel, right th- nnnngh!" I cried out, my vision going white. He smirked, curling his fingers again and again, hitting that one spot over and over. I twisted my hips down onto his fingers, wanting them deeper, needing something bigger.

"Axel if you don't stop that right now I'm going to-" I was cut off when he abruptly pulled his fingers from me and kissed my lips.

"Ready, Roxy?" He half-purred, lining himself up. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into me just as he thrust inside me, all the way in one go.

I muffled my moaning into his neck, tangling my hands in his hair. This felt so good, too good. I had never felt this close and connected with anyone before in my life. I could feel every inch of him as he slowly slid out, until he was barely inside, then thrust back in quickly, hitting my sweet spot in one go.

I arched my back and wrapped my legs around him, so that I was clutching onto him tightly.

"A-Axel.." I breathed, latching onto his earlobe, sucking and biting. This made him thrust even harder inside of me, and I knew neither of us were going to last very long.

He brought one of his hands up from supporting himself, mirroring me and tangling it into my own hair.

"Roxas…Roxy.." he panted, yanking my head back with every thrust. Pain prickled my scalp but it _felt so good_. He started to go faster than before, so that every other second he was thrusting into me at the same time as pulling my head back.

Before I could stop myself, I dug my nails into his back, clutching at him and no doubt leaving ten crescent marks behind.

Both of our breathing was growing ragged.

"Axel..I'm so close. Please, harder!" I whimpered, writhing under him. He just groaned and threw his head back, hitting my sweet spot over and over as he drove me to orgasm.

I cried out as I came, nearly blacking out with the pleasure. He followed not even five seconds after, thrusting into me one last time all the way to the hilt. I felt the warmth inside me and I nearly came again. We both rode out our orgasms, with him finally collapsing on top of me.

"Axel.." I breathed, and nuzzled into his neck, smelling sweat and his smell. The smell I loved more than anything in the world. We both drifted into sleep, curled together, and I did not once think of Demyx Flockheart.

As we slept, the note Axel had given me lay forgotten in the back pocket of my jeans.

_"Roxas, we have been friends for a long time, and in that time I have grown to fall in love with you. I know you love Demyx, but I want you to choose me. You are in my every thought, my every action. I think about what you do and where you go. I worry about you when you're sad. I love it when you're happy. Your mood even affects me. You're kind, caring, compassionate, loving, sexy…I want to make you mine, forever. Please. Say yes._

_-Axel"_

* * *

Yeah, so I wrote this in roughly 13 hours after not sleeping for two days, and I'm pretty sure my eyeballs are bleeding. Around the time where they were getting ready for bed is, roughly, when I started seeing double. So I'm gonna go pass the fuck out in a minute.

Hope you enjoyed, you lovely reader you.

Also, this is like five thousand and a half words. I feel like that needs mentioning.


End file.
